something wrong with the whole picture

I'm writting this while in a state of extreme confusion. Don't know why though. I'm confused enough it took me 3 mins to type out the previous two sentences. Something's wrong with the whole picture... apparently I've no reason whatsoever to be depressed, but I am... and I can't seem to explain why, not to myself nor to anyone else. I just find myself staring out the window with a blank look on my face... it's like I'm somewhere else, doing something else, feeling something else. Then with the same expression I go into the kitchen and fix myself something to eat, and keeping that blank expression I come back to my room, eat... then space out again, and stare out the window... I guess winter's taking its toll on me... Ignoring the decrepit sight I see outside - decaying buildings all dirty and collapsing, holes in the pavement the size of small craters, kids running around with cardboard boxes in the backyards of appartment buildings that look more like abandoned than enhabited - the sky's so grey and gloomy, it's like it's waiting to collapse on the world and crush it under its weight... Trees look like some skeletons, with their hands dangling in the freezing breeze. It's cold and wet and inhospitable. People walking around with blank expressions on their faces, most of them smoking, others playing "manele" on their cellphones, all looking so bored or worried about tomorrow. I found myself daydreaming about summer and warm times when ravio and mori will come to visit, and started making plans about what to do and what to visit while they're here. Then I daydreamt about going to Japan this summer, to study the language there in Osaka for 90 days, then I realized that tuition for 90 days with the admission fee and some small extra fees would add up to 1100eu, (which I don't have nor have I any way of getting that kinda cash) then there's the plane tickets that would be around 2000eu so I realized that... I'm never gonna see Japan... even though my parents said they'll pay for the trip, there's no way they're gonna pay those 1100eu. Not because they don't want to, but they simply can't afford it all... Besides that, I can't work during college either 'cause next semmester I gotta try really hard not to gather up any more failed exams, and I gotta pass the ones I've failed in this exam session to have a bleeding decent summer for a change... a summer holiday in which I'll do things wholeheartedly, and not worry about anything related to school... bah... I'm ranting on and on about stuff no one really cares about but me... so I guess I'll wrap this entry up right about now and stop the whining and the bitching about the petty things that make up my life... so fucked up right now...